The Secret Garden

The Secret Garden
Frances Hodgson Burnett
@quitecontrary

zzzzz....so bored. Parents ignore me all the time and I am well ugly. Wish something would happen
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DID NOT MEAN I WISH MY PARENTS WOULD DIE. Now I have to go to Yorkshire. FML. Hated them all anyway
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I'm on a boat!

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All the other kids are being so mean and singing weird songs at me
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Horrible old lady telling me about new home and family. Like I CARE @secretnurse
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They all speak WEIRD! And think I should dree MYSELF. WTF
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Apparently there is a secret garden #wishlist. Going for a jaunt in the garden
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The robin is flying in and out of the secret garden. Show off.
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Martha telling me family history. More interesting now. Though she is totes lying about the screaming. Is not wind :(
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@oldgardener is gardening. Ooooh, this means the soil is turning over. #brilliantplotdevice?
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KEY! EPIC WIN!

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Robin is magic and showed me door. Thank god for intelligent animals. MY garden now

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gardening is making pretty. Who knew?
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OMG I love Dickon. He is beautiful and is friends with animals
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@petwhisperer, let's get gardening!

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Meeting @totallydistant, my Uncle today. WIll trick him out of garden
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OMG cannot SLEEP! WTF? Someone is yelling inconsiderately. Going to find out.
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I have a cousin. A weird, sickly cousin, but hey, beggars cant be choosers etc.
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@dntwnt2die....you are a crybaby. And raja. A cryja
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@petwhisperer. All your ideas are AWESOME <3

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Family fight time. Bring it

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You ARENT DYING and @dntwnt2die!!! Party in the garden?

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Garden is so pretty *^-^* MLIA!
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Colin, don't get excited, you won't live forever. You just won't die NOW. Sigh
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@dntwnt2die You can walk though. Gratz

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@oldgardener climbed a ladder. Clever. Oh noes, is secret out? :(

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We are going to do magic. Stuff religion, magic ftw

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Lolz, everyone still thinks that @dntwnt2die is still ill, but we're totes having muffins in the garden!
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Um..lecturing is not point of garden! Think you are a fattie because you are eating loads
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Think we are all learning a lot about child development here, no?

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Blind man's Buff is an awesome game!
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Although you catching your dad was unexpected, @dntwnt2die, admittedly
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We are all walking back into house together :) Happy ending. Thank Magic!

The Tale of Peter Rabbit

The Tale of Peter Rabbit
by Beatrix Potter
@bluecoat

I am so glad I have a real human name, whilst my sisters have fluffy ones. Lolz
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Mum keeps going ON about Dad getting put in pie. Metaphor for sure though? Maybe he just ran away from stupidly named kids?
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Mum gone shopping, said something about #currentbuns. WIN!
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Sisters have got naked to go and pic blackberries. SO weird. Have to get out of here.

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Only logical place to go is where I’m not meant to be, right?
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ROFL (literally) I rolled along under the gate!
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Total feast – raddish beans and lettuce! #fiveaday!
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ugh. Feel sick. BRB, hunting parsley
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wtf, gardener is in the garden?! What are the odds?
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I am going to get so grounded if I don’t get shot
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I lost my shoes!
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wtf, why am I even wearing shoes? I’m a rabbit?! WHY AM I TALKING?
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Oh noes! stuck under fence, caught by jacket. KNEW rabbits shouldnt wear clothes. Fml! Naked sisters were right!
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Thank the lord for motivational anthropomorphic sparrows
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FREE! Shall hide in the watering can. Gardening ftw!
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Damn. Is full of water #notahappybunny
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nose tickling. Must....not....sneeze
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whoops
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Out the window. I’m so James Bond!
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Am totally lost in this garden. Wish I had satnav instead of useless clothes
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Mouse can’t talk. Typical L
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Oh...a cat. They can be well psycho, according to @benbun
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Totally snuck out whilst he was picking onions. Home time. I miss mummy.
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Mum has noticed I’m naked. Damn.
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I feel totally sick
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camomile tea is not the answer. L Nor is hearing sisters having milk and fruit
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Apparently McGregor is using my jacket for a scarcrow. IT WASN’T THAT UGLY?!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
by J.K. Rowling
@chosenone

Leaving Dursleys tonight. Can’t wait, hate them all
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Also wtf is up with Dumbledore not telling me anything? @beetlewriter, I hate you too. M8’s here soon though. Woot.
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I look pretty awesome 7 times over, if I say so myself. OMG though, don’t want to ride in the side car. Not cool.
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HEDWIG! OH NOES!
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Wand being weird. I needed that like George needs a hole in the head. Ha, sorry @weasleytwin
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Wedding time. Ginny looking hot. Though if she ends up looking at her aunt I’m not sure. Got an old snitch. New to me though.
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On the run. Hope no one died. Have no time for guilt. Back @ Sirius’s pad. Kreacher can cook now and it's Horcrux time.
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@hemhem has the horcrux. Sucks to be us
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Breaking into ministry. I am WELL TALL!!! #dreamsfulfilled
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Have one horcrux, going camping! What lulz we shall have!
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OMG @gingerweasel you are SO annoying. Stop sulking!
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Ron gone, may dance with @brainsnowbeauty. No wait, that would waste time in the film, right?
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Off to visit parents grave. Seems to best thing to do with my Christmas
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THERE WAS A MASSIVE SNAKE IN THAT OLD LADY?! GROSS MUCH?
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Back in the woods. Big silver deer arrived. Hope nothing to do with mum, would not want her defining herself by her husband, right?
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Was watching Hermione and me kissing and then Ron broke the horcrux. Killjoy.
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Story time at the Lovegood’s. Swear dirigible plums destroy the mind.
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Horcruxes sound wicked? #whatiwantforchristmas
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On the run again. Getting well bored. Oh no, wait, taking diversion to malfoy manor. Will be good to wash.
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Pettigrew dead as a result of mercy. Will take note, and not show mercy again. Important moral
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WTF DOBBY IS DEAD? Ok @snakeface and @voldysgirl, you may have killed my parents. But this just got personal. :’(
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Still can’t believe Dobby’s dead
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Broke into Gringotts. Gotten so badass in last few years. Used unforgivable curse. No one seems to care though. Perks of being chosen one!
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Headed to Hogsmeade. Need chocolate frogs anyway. Horcrux collection growing.
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OMG Dumbledore. You’re a rubbish big brother. If only I could talk to you again. You told me SOD ALL
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@godbottom, you’ve totally grown up. Damn @snakeface, he looks WAY MORE HEROIC than me. #sulk. Should have Chosen him
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Oh my days @tartancat, you are totally badass. No one spits at you <3
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Off to look for lost horcrux @crownstealer says it’s in room where everyone hides stuff
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Why did so many people need to hide chairs?!
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Can’t believe @twinweasley dead. Sorry @weasleytwin. My bad.
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Snape...omg. You’re actually pretty awesome. I have to go and die though. Well unfair.
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Am totally dead. But King’s cross not my heaven...is weird gross mouldy baby thing under chair. Eww
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Dumbledore in my head. My dead head. Doesn’t mean not real. This is all getting a bit meta. Lolz —————————————————————————————————————
Oh, not dead. Awkward. Sorry @haggers. Oh, and @tartancat, and @youngmrsW. And everyone.
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WTF @GODBOTTOM STOP BEING SO COOL!
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Gutted @Snakeface. We swapped all the wands about when you weren’t looking. WINGARDIUMROFL!
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EXPELLIARMUS!
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I am old, and cringeworthy. Plan: shall give 2 of my children normal/morbid names, ignoring weasleys, + condemn my third to life of ridicule

The Gruffalo

The Gruffalo
by Julia Donaldson
@lyingwins

Walking though the wood. Is quiet. Pretty good!
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Oh no a fox! It’s totes going to eat me
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@foxytrot sorry, can’t come for tea, eating with gruffalo
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LOLZ, just messed up keyboard on iphone. Gruffalo pretty awesome word though, right?
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Fox wont shut up. Gruffalo's big and scary alright @foxytrot? MASSIVE TEETH, eats fox
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Ha, he totally believed me. Doesn’t know no such thing as Gruffalo?
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Rubbish. Owl here now, no one will leave me alone.
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@flyingsolo, sorry babes, would love dinner but partying it up with Gruffalo
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Why are they all obsessed with looks? @flyingsolo, he has a massive, poisonous zit on his nose. Loves eating owl.
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lolz, what a bird brain. Also doesn’t know there is no such thing as a Gruffalo
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FOR GOD’S SAKE LEAVE ME ALONE! Stupid snake. Who lives in a woodpile anyway?!
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@ribwalker, like I already told the others, I’m chillin’ with Gruffalo tonight.
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@ribwalker, he has weird coloured body parts, and will eat you.
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roflcopter, loser. No such thing as a....oooh, new follower!
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Hey @gruffalo, great to meet you!
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@gruffalo. OMG YOU’RE REAL. MY IMAGINATION IS GODLIKE
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No way, I’m well hard, ask all the others! Follow me, @gruffalo, in the literal way
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Hahaha, they are all so gullible! I am such a clever rodent.
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All calmed down in a wood. FOUND A NUT, it tastes real good.

The Velveteen Rabbit

The Velveteen Rabbit
by Margery Williams
@notquitevelvet

I am so pretty and soft and velvety. Happy Christmas all!
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Belong to nice young boy, he will play with me lots J
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Usurped by toy train. #suckstobeme
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Mechanical toys all very modern. I am only sawdust. Sad times.
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@leatherrocker, what is real?
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apparently you have to get ugly, but then no one cares about it. Sounds rubbish. Cuddles are nice though
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Nana tidying up, ttfn
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@toylover, thank you for cuddling me! China dogs v uncomfortable in bed anyway. We can be BFF’s!
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These adventures are so fun. ROFLing all over the garden! Love my boy
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OMG I AM REAL! MY BOY SAID IT AND IT CAN’T BE TAKEN BACK NOW!
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Huh. Springy rabbits say I’m not real. That’s what they think. Haters gonna hate, rabbits gonna hop. Or not, in my case....hmmmm
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Ohnoes, my boy is ill. I will protect him from all the freaky medical people
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Bit boring though. Wish we were playing games?
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He is better! Woot!
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Doctor says I must be thrown away. Rubbish! Do you think my boy won’t notice and rescue me?
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@toylover...? I’m cold L
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Can’t believe he forgot me. I’m going to be burnt alive and he’s off to the beach with a new bunny
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A plant just grew from my real tear. This stuff just got REAL
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@fairyexmachina thank you for saving me. Really don’t want to move though, IHAVENOLEGS!
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I TOTALLY HAVE LEGS!!! YES, OH YES! SPRINGY TIME!
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Now you remember me @toylover, but I am a lovely spotty real rabbit. As in, Real kind of Real

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
by C.S.Lewis
@youngestchildisbestest

Out in the country. Glad parents gone, adventures start now, can’t have those with parents! Woot!
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Is kind of boring actually, and @awkwardthirdsibling, you are such a meanie. Oooh, #exploring anyone?
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Lolz. Will get in wardrobe! Won’t shut door though, am sensible child
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Snowy, this wardrobe
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WTF IS THAT GOAT DOING ON ITS HIND LEGS?!
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Is actually a faun. He didn’t know what a girl was though, and thought Mum was called Eve. Clearly not clever, despite powers of speech
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Going for tea with @scarf_lover. Sardines? #party!
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Tumnus thinks he is kidnapping me. Did not like to point out I walked in of own free will. Stupid goat. Going home
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OMG my siblings don’t believe me. It’s because I’m young, innit? In fairness wardrobe is less snowy now…and was gone 5 minutes
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Going back for more sardines. BBS
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Ha! Edmund here too! He is such a n00b at this, lolz. Never mind, we can be bbf’s again and tell the others.
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Edmund is only doing this because he has issues with Peter. wtf :( And he shut the wardrobe door. Clearly a total loser.
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ROFL, all hiding in wardrobe from McCready
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Ha. Totally most popular sibling again. Taking them to @scarf_lover. Get the fish on!
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Tumnus gone and being shown sights by a beaver. Life weird
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beaver damn pretty cool. @ImreallyJesus is apparently ‘on the move?’
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@awkwardthirdsibling you suck. Wolves coming, gtg
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OMG SANTA!
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I got healing potion and tiny knife. Peter got massive sword. Think boys in this place have phallic obsession.
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Aslan really is a lion. Thought it was a metaphor?
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Edmund back. Forgiving betrayal as sulking would slow plot down. Battle tomorrow! True Narnians for the win!
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@snakemetaphor wants Eddie back. Aslan totally sorted it. Cos he’s total hero.
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Aslan walking into woods. Coming @wishIwasMum?
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OMG Aslan is dead and covered in mice. Life sucks
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OMG ASLAN CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD! PLAYING LIKE THUNDERSTORM/KITTEN. LOVE TECHNICALITIES
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Found Tumnus, he’s well hard now
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Take that back. Time for battle though. Hold on @herobigbro, we’ve got your back!
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Witch dead but Edmund dying. WTF, will never be queen now.
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Oh lolz, I have healing stuff. Am so blonde! Thanks @iamreallyJesus!
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I’m a queen now. It’s awesome, being a human and thus automatically royal. <3 narnia
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Ooooh, an iron tree?!
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Child again. Whatevs. Sure we’ll go back one day. And to heaven
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Except you Susan. You’ll get into lipstick, you hussy